


home as a place, home as a person

by halflightlove



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Book 1: Call Down the Hawk, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Road Trips, So much kissing, i can't write smut, light angst mostly fluff, there's like... a not very explicit blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24265969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halflightlove/pseuds/halflightlove
Summary: “Ronan had visited him once since the semester began, but it had been spontaneous - he’d gotten in his car in the middle of the night, spent the day with Adam, and then left the city without closing his eyes for a second.” (Chapter 2 - Call Down the Hawk)Ronan feels homesick for Adam and drives up to Cambridge to see him.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113





	home as a place, home as a person

The night was quiet and Ronan felt it in his soul. He usually adored the peaceful evenings at his childhood home, listening for all of the nocturnal creatures going about their business in the fields and distant forest bordering the property. On this night, though, it felt oppressive. The silence meant he was alone.

He paced aimlessly in the dark, restless and burning. Chainsaw skittered along behind him, talons clacking on the hardwood floor. Adam had called only a few hours ago and his voice had been like a balm to Ronan’s aching heart but the effect only lasted until they hung up and Ronan was left alone with his thoughts again.

He could dream, he thought, to pass the time but he knew with the energy humming in his veins it would be almost impossible to fall asleep. He could repair the fence that had come down the other day in the back pasture, working by moonlight and dreamlight, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus for long. What he wanted was eight hours away.

Seven, for Ronan.

The possibility of it all unfurled excitedly in his chest. He felt electric as he toyed with the idea, and then he was walking down the hallway towards the front door, reaching for his leather jacket and keys.

Six and half hours, really.

He left Chainsaw on her perch in the living room, gently stroking her head for a moment. The late September air was crisp, the last hints of summer slowly giving way to autumn. Ronan welcomed the cold on his skin, let the air fill his lungs, reminding him that he was alive, that he was awake. He wondered at the contradiction of home existing in two places at one; how he could be home at his beloved Barns and still feel a pang of homesickness for Adam. 

The BMW roared to life. The tires spun for a moment, sending a shower of gravel into the air, but then they found traction and the car launched forward, all power. The headlights cut through the darkness, and he was off.

-

The sun was still low in the sky when Ronan arrived in Cambridge. He drove past a field where mist hung over the grass, dew glinting in the early morning sun. Early morning joggers were out, taking advantage of the quiet streets. Traffic was light as he made his way through the city and eventually he came upon the Harvard campus, historical red brick buildings sitting impressively in front of perfectly manicured lawns.

He found a sidestreet and threw the BMW into park, dialing Adam’s number. The phone rang four times and then Adam answered, voice heavy with sleep, “Ronan?”

“Parrish. Do you have class today?”

“No, it’s Saturday,” Adam yawned, “Why are you up so early? Is everything okay?” 

“That depends. What are you doing today?”

“I- are you _here_?” Adam sounded much more awake than he had a moment before. Ronan couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“If you want me to be.”

“When did you- where are you now?” 

Ronan checked the street he was on and then Adam was saying, “Give me twenty minutes,” and hung up.

He got out of the car, sat on the hood, and waited. The city woke up around him, the rush of cars on the nearby streets a far cry from the soundscapes he was used to in sleepy little Henrietta. The noise was a relentless wave; the engines of low-flying planes headed to the nearby airport groaned overhead, and the occasional siren whined and reverberated between the buildings. Ronan didn’t necessarily mind loud noise but he much preferred it when he was the source of it.

Just then Adam turned onto the street, a messenger bag on one shoulder, wearing dark jeans and a burgundy Harvard crewneck. A smile lit up his face and Ronan’s heart sang, joy bursting in his chest. Adam threw his arms around him, and he buried his face in Adam’s shoulder, breathing him in.

“Why are you here?” Adam asked, gentle and happy in Ronan’s arms.  
  
“Couldn’t sleep,” Ronan murmured. He felt truly grounded for the first time in weeks as Adam hugged him tighter, fingers gently moving through the short hair on the back of his head.

A moment longer, and then Ronan stepped back, gently taking Adam’s bag from him and depositing it in the backseat. Adam glanced into the car, “No Chainsaw?” 

“Nah, she’s not really a city girl.” 

“Well, neither are you,” Adam quipped. Ronan couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up inside him.

“Have you eaten yet?” Ronan asked.

Adam deadpanned, “I literally woke up half an hour ago.”

“What do you say we get out of here for a bit?” 

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

They got in the car. Adam scrolled through Ronan’s phone, picking the music. Ronan hated school, the very suffocating concept of it, right down to the core of his being, but he loved Adam and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his classes and professors and the classmates he was getting to know. Ronan felt a brief twinge of jealousy in his stomach but it dissipated quickly enough when Adam caught his eye and smiled. Ronan could listen to Adam talk about all of the ordinary details of his life at school all day.

“I can’t believe an upstanding young man such as yourself is dating a high school dropout,” Ronan said, going for sarcasm, but no amount of sarcasm could fully hide the lingering anxiety at the heart of the statement. There was no part of him that desired a formal education but for the last few weeks when he was alone at night and evading sleep, he thought about how different their lives had become and wondered at how long two people could continue on different paths before they started to grow apart.

Adam saw right through him and said, “You’re so much more than that.” Ronan’s heart settled in his chest, wild fears tamed by Adam’s earnest words.

They drove south along the coast without a destination in mind, catching glimpses of the ocean in the distance, sparkling blue in the morning sun. Adam lounged in the passenger seat, head turned with his left ear pressed into the headrest to better hear Ronan. Adam reached out with one hand, fingers gently running along Ronan’s forearm before coming to rest on his hand on the gearshift. Ronan shivered. He couldn’t stop looking at Adam, not wanting to take a single second for granted.

“Eyes on the road, Lynch.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, but pulled his gaze away nonetheless.

Ronan turned off the highway at Adam’s instruction and they pulled into a Dunkin’s, sitting in the parking lot stuffing themselves full of greasy breakfast sandwiches and coffee before carrying on. Back on the highway, they drove past a sign for a state park and glanced at each other, a silent agreement. Ronan followed the signs to the park entrance. He handed his credit card to the girl working the toll booth and pulled into the lot.

Walking along the trails hand in hand, they encountered some other early risers, but as they ventured deeper into the park they were few and far between. Wind whispered through the trees, and out of habit Ronan listened for words, but he was only met with the sound of leaves gently rustling together. 

They came across a reservoir, surface rippling with the gentle breeze. Ronan lay his jacket down in a patch of grass in the shade by the shoreline and they stretched out on the ground. It had started to get warm, summer’s last stand before colder weather ushered it away. 

Adam pulled a textbook and notebook from his bag and began to flip through them. Ronan watched him. He was meticulous in his note-taking, always had been. He would read a page over, brow furrowed, and then carefully jot down his thoughts, keeping track of page numbers in the margins. Adam paused every now and then to glance up at Ronan, smiling.

Eventually Adam finished his readings and stretched out on his back, allowing Ronan to use his chest as a pillow, wrapping one arm around him. His fingers danced lightly along Ronan’s arm, and Ronan let himself sink into the sensation, the sound of Adam’s heartbeat washing over him. He felt Adam’s breaths deepen and realized the other boy had dozed off. Ronan _had_ woken him up early on a Saturday; he felt bad for a moment, knowing how careful Adam was with his time and how he spent it.

Ronan propped himself up on one elbow, observing Adam. His features were soft in sleep, mouth slightly ajar, and Ronan lightly followed the line of one cheekbone with his finger. The ever-present bags under his eyes weren’t quite as dark as they had been in the past, but the semester was still young. Ronan lay back down, splaying one hand on Adam’s chest, watching it rise and fall, like a gentle wave lapping at a shoreline.

If they were in Lindenmere, Ronan thought time might have stopped for them, letting them live in this moment forever. But this forest was not a supernatural entity and the passage of time was apparent in the lengthening shadows around them as the sun marched towards the western horizon.

Ronan leaned over Adam, gently whispering in his right ear, “Adam.” Adam stirred, eyes opening, smiling lazily up at him. He stretched his arms overhead, sweater riding up over his midriff. Ronan ran his hand over the skin there and grinned cheekily when Adam shivered.

“Ronan,” Adam gasped, a soft and desperate sound. Ronan felt undone and brought their lips together. They tangled in the grass for some time, Ronan kissing his way down Adam’s body, grateful for the sounds he made as he took him in his mouth, taking himself in his own hand. Sparks burst in his stomach, and then gave way to relaxed elation, until the responsibilities of the real world began to encroach on the moment. Adam sighed, a blissful thing. Ronan wiped his hand in the grass and then covered Adam’s body with his own, chasing a kiss as Adam tilted his head back.

“What time is it?” Adam murmured against his lips, looking at Ronan with heavy lidded eyes. 

Ronan shrugged and pecked Adam’s lips and then sat up, grabbing Adam’s wrist and turning it so he could read his watch, “Time to get you back, probably.” 

“Before the BMW turns back into a pumpkin, you mean,” Adam said with a soft chuckle. 

Ronan laughed and pressed a kiss to Adam’s hand and then he stood, pulling Adam to his feet and helping him gather his things.

They wandered through the woods slowly, clinging to the time they had left together. Ronan draped his left arm around Adam’s shoulders, pulling him close as they walked. Adam’s arm wrapped around his waist, fingers hooked through one of his belt loops. They got back to the BMW in the parking lot too quickly for Ronan’s liking, and he crowded Adam up against the side of the car, not ready to start the drive back to Cambridge just yet. Adam pulled him down into a kiss and he gave into it completely for a moment, savouring the way Adam wrapped his arms around his neck, his hands on Adam’s waist, the way their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. Eventually Ronan sighed and pulled away, opening the passenger door for Adam. 

The drive back passed by in a flash. Ronan tried to draw it out as long as possible. He pulled into a gas station to stock up on snacks, picking out Adam’s favourite chocolate bar. They sat on the hood of the BMW out front while they ate. But there was only so much stalling Ronan could do and he knew Adam had things to do and so it wasn’t long before Ronan was turning down the same side street he had parked on that morning.

They both got out of the car. Adam retrieved his bag and walked around to where Ronan stood. Ronan reached for his hands and brought them to his mouth in a gesture that had become as natural as breathing to them. 

“Will you come visit again soon?” Adam asked.

Ronan tried to say something, but the words got caught in his throat and he could only nod. 

Adam kissed him, and Ronan sighed into it. They held each other a moment longer. Adam squeezed his hands once and then stepped back as Ronan climbed into the driver’s seat. Ronan rolled the window down and leaned out the car window, looking up at him.

“Drive safe,” Adam said, leaning down to kiss Ronan one last time. He leaned into it, memorizing the feeling of Adam’s lips on his, how his eyelashes fluttered against his cheek, how it felt to have Adam’s hand on the side of his neck, fingers warm and comforting. He committed this moment to memory for the nights when he was alone and restless and desperately sad.

“ _Tamquam-_ ,” Ronan whispered the word like a prayer.

“- _Alter idem_ ,” Adam finished the phrase, “Text me when you’re back at the Barns?”

“I will,” Ronan promised, and started the car. 

He watched Adam in the rearview mirror until he rounded the corner, already missing him. He drove south, towards home and away from it at once. The joy of their day together mingled with that feeling of homesickness in his heart, and all he could do was crank the volume on the car stereo and give the BMW its head as he raced down the highway.

Six hours and forty seven minutes later, he pulled into the driveway at the Barns, speeding around the familiar turns and sliding to a stop in the parking area. He climbed the steps into the house and kicked off his boots. Chainsaw greeted him at the door, nipping at his ear as she settled onto his shoulder.

“Hey, knock it off.” He poked her until she stopped, disgruntledly ruffling her feathers.

She hopped down from his shoulder as he climbed the stairs, exploring the hallway. Ronan pushed open his bedroom door and pulled his phone from his pocket, flopping back onto his bed as he typed out a quick message.

_back at the barns_

And then he slept.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads this! I hope you enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated :)


End file.
